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Life
Recently, I've no mood to blog.
Sometimes, I have a loads of rubbish to unload onto this poor site.
Other times, what is on my mind stays there.
Unlike some bloggers, I cannot bare myself emotionally to others, letting anyone, including my friends, read what is in my mind and heart.
But I dunno why did I get this weird compulsion to write all this down.
I am a spoiled brat.
I need a lot of attention, especially from The Husband.
Maybe he's the only solid rock I can depend on, maybe he's the constant that I crave.
I dunno.
I used to punch walls, hurt myself by cutting.
I needed and welcomed the pain.
And I always recognized it as a cry for attention. But yet I couldn't stop.
Even now, I will wonder.
If I hurt myself, make myself bleed, will I get more love? More concern?
Rationally, I know that in the end, I will be hurting those who love me.
But when my mind sinks to that level, what the fuck is rationality?
The period of time where I spent uncontrollably.
Everyday, every single day, I bought and spent and did not give a care of what I bought.
Some things I used, some things never even got out of the shopping bag. Some discarded.
A single shop, $200 gone. So what.
A dark period. I hated so many, hated myself more.
A period where I wish I can sleep and sleep and never have to wake up anymore.
A place I never want to go back.
Now I remind myself frequently. Always take pleasure in the smallest thing.
Going out with friends, teasing friends, the simple pleasure of being a friend to someone.
Eating my favourite food, smelling my favourite perfume, getting a hug from The Husband.
Always remember that there are other things to do, other things to look forward to.
minou, i lub you!!!
posted by :
February 10, 2006 2:48 AM
min~ i lub u!!!
u r always welcome to hug me if u want~~ or can even rest on my neh neh!! .... Erm.. i think you did before hehe!!!
pain is only for that moment, it won't help in the long run.. you could start by opening up your heart to us and let us know what's in your mind and heart... we all will be there for j00!!!
blog allows me to say my piece.. it's a channel for me to vent my frustration etc.. maybe you will want to change your mindset abt this..
but no matter wat, you still have us ok? I think u need some loving from us~ ^_^
posted by Wang Wang :
February 10, 2006 9:13 AM
Joey Sayang Min MIn... We will be there for you if you need to talk k. If you need help, you know who to find ya!!
posted by :
February 10, 2006 3:25 PM
Joey Sayang Min MIn... We will be there for you if you need to talk k. If you need help, you know who to find ya!!
posted by :
February 10, 2006 3:25 PM
I find it hard to say what's in my mind too, so I guess I know how you feel. It's not that I enjoy keeping it to myself but sometimes it's just so hard to get them out :(
We as friends will be there for you if you need us, so hang in there! :)
posted by elyxia :
February 10, 2006 9:49 PM
I lub you guys~
posted by Minou :
February 10, 2006 10:21 PM
U know, should u feel troubled, or unhappy, or just need to have someone to bitch to, I'm just a phone call away, okie?
posted by ae :
February 11, 2006 2:18 PM
sibeh grouchy lor you =P
posted by :
February 12, 2006 11:22 PM
I used to guard my feelings and emotions very secretly, too. When I was sad, I smiled. When I was angry, I laughed. I just couldn't let anyone know how I felt. But I think I became a very repressed person after that. Over the years, I realised that it doesn't do me any good at all, and I also realised that it doesn't hurt me to share my feelings with people. And I am now still in the slow process of undoing what I've done to myself for the first 2 decades of my life. :P
It's good to hear that you're opening up and appreciating life. Always remember that we lub j00 no matter what you do or how you feel! :) *hug*
posted by Qiaoyun :
February 13, 2006 9:52 AM
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Thursday, February 09, 2006
